Top 10 things I learned about Provo

1. There is some sort of disturbance in the space/time continuum happening here. There's seemingly no Starbucks in town. Having covered more than 3 miles walking yesterday, I spotted 0 (yes, zero) Starbucks. Incredible. Plus, people here don't know what an Internet cafe is and if you're looking for a pay phone, forget about it. No one has seemingly ever heard of either. Tip: If you are traveling in the area, forget about paying the $3.95 the hotel wants for 15 minutes and go to the library. You'll get 90 minutes of Internet with your "Internet Passport" for a mere $1. What a value!
2. Provo isn't normally hazy. The haze surrounding the town and mountains isn't pollution ... it's smoke from the state's largest-in-history wildfire and three or four others burning within 100 miles.
3. The Utah Conference Center headquarters is just around the corner from my hotel ... only in the best spirit of Corporate America, they're holding their conference ~in~ my hotel.
4. Despite results from an informal survey of hotel workers where everyone says the train definitely does not stop in Provo, I would testify in court without fear of perjury that Amtrak does indeed stop here. (Results based on a survey of 4 people, all over the age of 18.)
5. Weirdness isn't the (only) reason people walk hugging the buildings ... it's the shade they're clamoring for. It's hot and dry here (even compared to Denver standards); 104 degrees at 11 a.m.
6. If you're looking for a scintillating conversation, plant yourself across the street from the Marriott. That's where all the people are hanging out in front of the Judicial Center (is the term "court house" somehow politically incorrect?).
7. If you stay at the Marriott, you receive a complimentary membership to the "club." This entitles you to the privilege of sitting in the bar and drinking (gasp) alchohol. Or, budget in $5 for a temporary, 2-week membership. But that's not all! You can also bring along, free of charge, 5 of your closest drinkin' buddies. You also have the option for an annual membership that's $25.
8. The grocery store chain here is called Smith's ... what could be better? Maybe I should see if they'll give me a discount.
9. If you need a Galaga fix, it's only 25 cents in the gameroom of the Marriott. Of course, ya gotta withstand the hot air steaming the room from the hotel laundry room.
10. The Travelodge serves a mean breakfast burrito, included with your room, one per guest.