Saturday, July 28, 2007

Top 10 things I learned on the ferry to Alaska

  1. Duct tape is essential. This is especially true if you're pitching a tent on deck.
  2. If the life ring deploys accidentally, a smoke flare marks the location and they WILL turn the boat around, lower the little chaser boat from the ship and retrieve the life ring. This may delay your arrival into the next port, depending on how quickly it takes to circle the ship around. (Seems the bosen was checking the life ring and accidentally launched it, causing great excitement on board and a flurry of activity with the crew. They later announced it was a "training exercise" but I got a tour of the bridge and learned it was an accident.)
  3. You have to pay a $5 fee to be searched for any Alaska Marine Highway Ferry going northbound. (Yeah, right ... like I should ~pay~ to be searched! That is really adding insult to injury.) Before boarding, they actually search your vehicle with a K-9 unit. (Of the 4 ferries I took the car on, this was the only one where they searched vehicles and checked your ID ... and it was no simple search, either. They use a K-9 unit!)
  4. Pick up your feet when using any doorway and be aware. Sometimes, but not always, there is a step over the threshold. Just to make things really tricky and let you know if you drank too much, the only doorway on board where it is a step over and then step down is the women's (not the men's) bathroom next to the bar. In addition, the push/pull direction of doors is the opposite of whatever you think it should be.
  5. Smoking is on the port side of the ship only. (Apprently, this is true of all ships but I have no idea why.)
  6. You will be instructed on the use of TPAs (thermal protection aid) and PFDs (personal flotation device), all of which is no BFD and no one on board paid any attention whatsover to the demonstrations.
  7. Listen to the cook. If you place an order and they yell a number from the menu at you repeatedly, don't argue. Even if your order is not the food associated with the menu number, use it. For example, I ordered two eggs and two bacon ala carte, which is close to a number 6 (one egg, two bacon, one piece of toast). That is the number they want you to tell the cashier and it saves you $.
  8. Any and all water used (cafeteria, bathroom, etc.) is "treated and released" when at sea. (I'm not sure if I like the sounds of any of this and I bet the sea life likes it even less.)
  9. I cannot stress enough how essential duct tape really is. A little rope doesn't hurt, either. Both are especially useful when the wind on deck kicks up at night and blows your neighbor's tent onto yours (because he skimped and only used 2 pieces of duct tape per tie down.)
  10. Don't bother bringing a book. I brought 3 and read 0 pages. One guy got through 10 pages of his book. Another woman got through 20 pages of her book.

4 comments:

Doogman said...

1. Duct tape is also crucial in the event of an anthrax attack. Our glorious DHS has so decreed. You should keep several cases on hand at all times.

2. Whomever told you it was an accident should be reported immediately to DHS. Employees of our glorious nation DO NOT MAKE MISTAKES.

3. You should be delighted the fee is so small, if you complain, they may take ALL of your money and club you for free.

4. This would NOT have been a problem if you'd been goose-stepping as per govt standards.

5. It's because the heroin users don't like to associate with you while indulging on the starboard side.

6. Your blatant lack of respect for the compassionate concern of our glorious nation indicates that you are a terrorist. Your name has been noted.

7. All shortfalls in cafeteria funds will be covered by taxpayers, eat hearty.

8. Actually, that water is recycled for use in steerage quarters.

9. The co-passenger you mention has been detained and is being questioned as to why he had insufficient amounts of duct tape with him. (in violation of DHS regulations)

10. Books are evil, except for the Bible.

[/irony][/snark]

grin!!!!!

David said...

Good God, you got spammed in your comments section.

Why did people not read the books they brought? Too much to see and/or do instead?

Anonymous said...

I would like to add to that: bring DUCT TAPE and leave your books at home. They are good for only two things: to start a fire with or for hitting obnoxious people. Not that there were many :-).

KIA said...

Yep, no book reading 'cause it was so damn purrty!