Monday, July 9, 2007

Top 10 things I learned on Amtrak

  1. Bring food. The dining car ran out of some food by noon (I left at 9 a.m.), and it closed down completely after noon because the A/C quit entirely. I wondered why it was so hot in there at lunchtime!
  2. Don't drink — anything. The toilets are so tiny that there was not enough room for me, my backpack, and the toilet. Let's just say I basically had to have someone outside the bathroom hold my backpack for me. Needless to say, the toilets were a mess.
  3. Bring plenty of entertainment. Track work prevented this train from going faster than 50 MPH, which was excruciating. My train was more than 2 hours late!
  4. Don't expect to get off the train. Of the 7 or so stops the train made prior to my final stop, I was allowed to get off only once, and then only for 15 minutes. That's hardly enough time to make a phone call (the Mennonites were hovering to use the phone), go to a restroom wider than 14 inches x 14 inches (and the line was unbelievable) and get back on the train. Plus, there is no where to buy food, either, even if you had time.
  5. Pick your seat wisely. Don't even try to sit on the lower level — those are the handicap-accessible seats and someone will sure let you know it, even if there's no one in that car.
  6. Don't believe a word anyone from Amtrak (the government) says. My nifty brochure detailing the ride talked about a quiet car (no cell phones or babies allowed), on-board movies, an on-board Forest Service Ranger narrative about the area and much, much more. None of that was available.
  7. If you smoke, wear the patch. Maybe two (or three). Unless sucking in enough nicotine in 2 minutes or less every 3 hours or so works for you, you and your surrounding passengers are in big, big trouble.
  8. Bring Purell or similar disinfectant for your hands. Between grabbing onto things to maintain your balance whenever you get up to walk around, the bathrooms, and lack of general train cleaning, I cannot speak highly enough about this substance.
  9. The Amtrak workers are just as strange (if not more so) as many of the Amtrak riders.
  10. I now completely understand why Amtrak is not a successful government enterprise (nor will it ever be at this rate).

3 comments:

Jesse Erdmann said...

Who'd a thunk your horrible air transport mojo would double on the ground? Perhaps public/commercial transportation and you need a trial separation. Give each other some time to really work on yourselves and evaluate where this relationship is going. Maybe get some couples counseling.

Doogman said...

After years of riding SEPTA in Phila, I can relate completely. At least you arrived alive.

Keep your nose (and other parts!) clean and your powder dry.

I'll be reading!!!!!!!!

HW said...

You know what is super crappy??? When you write a long post and then click don't post as jesse erdmann and it erases your post. What? Is Jesse the only person who can post in response to this blog?!?

Anyway, my family and I rode Amtrak when I was a kid. Even as a kid, I knew it was a bad deal and I fit in the bathrooms! I didn’t like the cleanliness of the bathrooms then either. The bad part is even if you fit in the bathroom, the train throws you into all the gross stuff you don’t want to touch. There REALLY is nothing to do…even if you bring games. You have to bring all those tiny travel games where you have to pry the pieces out of the tiny tiny holes. Then while you are trying to get that one piece out, you pull so hard that the game slips out of your hand and flies across the seats splattering the pieces all over. Then dad yells at you to stop throwing ****. Do you know what was scarier than the train? The Chicago train station! I'm scarred.