Top 10 Rules for living at 1644-A

Here are a few items we were admonished for at our Key West shared housing unit. (These are all in addition to the "helpful" advice blasted at us, such as don't use V05 shampoo, don't drink tap water, don't drink Coke, don't eat any meat except Greenwise brand, don't drink any milk except Greenwise brand, etc.) Fortunately, we have since moved into a different, friendlier apartment at 1645-D.

1. Don't leave the dryer door open.
2. Don't move any of the bricks blocking the doorway. (They are there to prevent evil/negative energy from entering the household.)
3. Don't move any crystals placed around the house. (They are strategically placed; similar to the above.)
4. Don't bring food into your bedroom. (I won't even comment.)
5. Don't have any guns in the house. (We're both taking a concealed carry class soon.)
6. Don't scratch the pans. (Like we've never cooked before.)
7. Don't eat the blue tortilla chips. (Like we eat other people's food.)
8. Don't leave the bread bag on the kitchen counter. (I thought kitchens were for food storage.)
9. Don't leave dirty dishes in the kitchen for more than 60 seconds.
10. Don't leave the grill dirty and make sure you spend at least 15 minutes cleaning the exterior after use.