Slowest internet in the nation

I knew it! My suspicians have been confirmed. Alaska internet speeds really ~do~ rank the slowest in the nation according to research from the Communications Workers of America.

If they drilled down a little more, they might discover that Gustavus internet speeds are almost the slowest (speeded up only marginally by the Kirkland water bottle that serves as a "protective" barrier against the rain drops). The slowest would have to go to Thorne Bay, where internet service is often nonexistent due to no phone service whatsoever (phone service often goes out for days at a time -- especially long distance).

Alaska internet download speeds rank far below any other area, a mere 0.8 megabytes per second, compared to a 6.8 megabytes per second download speed for those lucky schmucks in Rhode Island.