Top 10 things I learned on my Iowa trip

1. My mom has the equivalent of a 10'x 18' hole in her house. This is based on an evaluation by a guy from the home heating assistance program who came with his laptop to evaulate the house with a fan and wind tunnel contraption, an infrared camera and other equipment. (The goal for houses is a 10' x 20' hole so that was good news.)


2. The Marine Corps has Semper Fi (Always Faithful), the Coast Guard has Semper Paratus (Always Ready) and according to my brother, Sergeant First Class Smith, the Army has Semper Gumby (Always Flexible).


3. My hometown still holds the annual Easter Egg hunt. It is still going strong with thousands of participants.


4. If you look in the manual hard enough, you can find out how to disable the seatbelt warning chime and light, child lock features and other safety features. (But you have to be coordinated, buckling and unbuckling the seatbelt at least 3 times in under 10 seconds).


5. There is a book coming out this fall about my hometown. (See previous entry.)


6. A primary ingredient in meth production, anhydrous ammonia, is a common chemical farmers plow into the ground at this time of year. (There is also a large meth production industry around my hometown.)


7. Conversational topics to avoid with my mom include a.m. vs. p.m., her alleged tandem skydiving experience and whatever is written in her daily planner.


8. The annoying town whistle still blows and will knock you out of bed at 7 a.m. (It also blows at noon, 1 p.m. and 6 p.m.)


9. My brother's garage, complete with free weights, treadmill, elliptical and cable TV, has become the local fitness club.


10. The Iowa DOT goes overboard on their enforcement of tire tread on any equipment driving down the road.